Prayer of My Heart – Part 1

The hour is late, the sky is now clear and cold with a few stars gleaming like frozen diamonds in a vast sea of onyx.  I try to look to the good things God has done for me; a list as long as life itself.  God has given me health and strength and – in time of need – courage to carry on though my frail body said stop.

But my mind is following a coldness of thought that exceeds the blackness of the night.  Am I a child of this icy darkness?  I don’t think that I am!  Yet I carry a feeling of doom and fear.  Is God far from me? Or am I that far from God?  If it’s the latter, then I pray – O, God, be merciful to me and let me obtain an attitude of prayer and closeness that I might attain that elusive light and nearness of the presence of Your Spirit that seems so far from my grasp…

Sometimes I wish that this was a battle that could be fought and won by the might of the arm and sword, where the adversary could be seen and met, as David met Goliath or grappled with the lion and bear, or as Samson slew 10,000 with the jawbone of an ass.

But this seems not to be the lot of man… ever since a gentle, yet fierce man walked the face of this earth close to 2,000  years ago.  A man like we are in body, yet being God in the flesh; and by His very submission to death for sin – our sin – He set a pattern for me and all mankind to follow for time eternal and a form of war against the adversary that, if applied in this pattern, will win the war of the soul and for the soul.

That by prayer, faith, and hope, believing in Him, a man might receive a far greater reward in death in Christ, than that gained by the strength of the arm or the skill of the sword and, in this, have fought a harder fight since it takes a lifetime of spiritual war and final death in Christ to obtain this greater reward.

Then why, in knowing this, do I still look to the cold, dark night? What am I looking for? What do I expect to see?  Where is my faith? Where is the burden of prayer I seek? Or the knowledge that I ask for?

Written by Jack Palmer, Copyright © 1994. All Rights Reserved.


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